REVIEWpost: jamie oliver, american hero?

America is the most obese state in the entire planet, even Amazonian jungle tribes know that is a fact. Sure, other industrious states have higher percentages of their populations who are obese, such powerhouse states as, Nauru, The Federated States of Micronesia, and the Cook Islands. If you lived in a beautiful tropical oasis, wouldn't you pack on the pounds? Especially because your wife probably resembles a cartoon representation of a cave man. Yet, our country, an actual global superpower, is almost actively ensuring that our children: 1) will be the first generation to have a lower life expectancy than us, 2) decrease productivity when they become adults due to pre-existing medical conditions from their obesity, and 3) become the first generation in the modern era to see what happens when a superpower is degrading because its citizens are too unhealthy to enter combat. Well maybe #3 is irrelevant, now that we fight wars as if we are playing a video game.

Who can blame us? I can. We invented a sweeter, cheaper substance than cane sugar and threw it into practically everything on our warehouse-sized supermarket shelves. "Bigger, cheaper, faster, and sweeter" should probably replace "In God We Trust" for our nation's motto. Too bad the Chinese aren't buying our high-fructose corn syrup, they are smart and sticking with good ole-fashion'd cane sugar (which makes one feel fuller due to the glucose, instead of our corny fructose). How do the Chinese accomplish this feat? They do not have import controls on sugar, like the US. These import quotas ensure that cane sugar has an inflated price, versus high-fructose corn syrup. So in effect, our piss-poor, trade-restricting economic policies keep corn corporations working hard to keep us extremely unhealthy. I think we should somehow sell our corn-syrup to the Chinese so we wouldn't have any strategic competitor woes.

There is nothing wrong with companies making money on our poor decision-making. This is indeed America, and I love me some capitalism. I also love making fun of fat people. Yet, there is a terrible dark side to the industry: US children, our future welfare-bread-winners, are the unsuspecting victims of many ill-concieved food and economic policies. Much of the food served in our US lunchrooms are cheaply produced, processed foods. And why is this so? Oh yes, our government. Silly me. Corporations made rich by our candy-stuffing fat asses pay lobbyists to ensure USDA regulations include the terrible foods they produce. Hell, even bake sales are being banned while Doritos sales are encouraged. That is quite grim, my fellow patriots. I do not blame the corporations for these woes, they are doing their job. We are not doing ours as citizens of a republic.

But change may be a-coming, and it is certainly not due to our President nor any member of the government. It is not actually even being initiated by a US citizen.

Jamie Oliver has set out to change our obesity problem in his inspiring ABC show "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution". He wants to do so by making sure American schools serve only fresh food in their cafeterias. This man, a fairly-famous chef from the UK who once had a brilliant show on my personal mecca of television channels--The Food Network, already has changed his home country through food. It is a truly awesome tale. His work has been studied by economists in the UK, and they found that children are more productive in school when fresh foods were basically introduced into their school systems.

The show is spectacular. It is set in the so-called "Most Obese Town in America" (which is technically a mis-nomer because the town is situated within the most-obese tri-county area that includes other local sub-divisions). It has the full cast of characters one would expect from a compelling drama: a loving school cook, the loving school cook's evil doppleganger at the elementary school, the cold government bureaucrat, the local douchebag ultra-conservative radio personality (who in an awesome twist of fate, and show of character, starts to align himself with Jamie's movement), the local corporate bigwig (a "big fish in a small pond" brand of ass), the benevolent teachers, the spot-lighted obese family who needs change, and of course the cute-faced Jamie Oliver in all his naïveté and zest for change. It is truly remarkable to watch what happens, and see how change can come from food.

This show really demonstrates the power of food. Something I have always understood, and rarely been able to express. When one watches this remarkable piece of television, one can wrap their mind around how important food is in our relationships with ourselves, our bodies, our community, and our loved ones. During the first episode, you witness an incredibly obese family bury their deep fat-fryer while the mom cries about how she loves her children with food and simultaneously killing them with such food. Again, it is truly powerful.

The most depressing aspect of this show is the role of the government. Time-and-again, the show features the cold bureaucrat who doesn't wish to derail Jamie, but will stick to ridiculous USDA regulations that only benefit the corporations who helped draft them. For example, the USDA found that calcium is good for children and children legally need to be provided with the corn syrup saturated milk option in order to drink it. Jamie makes an awesome insight: "putting sugar in something will make kids eat it? I could have done that research for free". The ineptitude of these regulations is staggering.

Jamie needs to polish his coup d'état skills, however. As you watch in the show, he is not the most eloquent advocate. At points, he clumsily and tactlessly interacts with the Huntington citizens while pursuing his goals. The most egregious instance? He called the women cooks in a school cafeteria "lunch ladies". Yes, we called our cafeteria cooks "lunch ladies". However, one must admit that term doesn't command an air of respect. If you want garner trust and loyalty, calling someone a "lunch lady" does not accomplish those tasks. Hilariously, the ladies admonished him for that comment, and then he went on to ask, "well, what is your title?". What an ass. He may sometimes forget that he is not an American citizen, and people in West Virginia may not take too kindly to such patronization by a foreigner. An English foreigner, at that.

So Jamie, stop fucking calling these lovely women, who graciously allowed you to boss them around, "lunch ladies". He knows way better than I do that the kitchen is a place of respect, and a place of hierarchy. A general would never degrade his soldiers. But please, keep up the awesome work. America needs this, desperately.

Well, I am going to go back to eating my second box of Mike-and-Ikes now, then smoke a cigarette. Unfortunately, this is the woeful truth.

"Any judge in the whole world would look at the statistics and the evidence, and find any government of old guilty of child abuse" -Jamie Oliver, TED Award Speech